can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
All I want is dick and wine.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
