i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
