:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I die, sorry about rent.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
