We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
