The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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