Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
