Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
