It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
