I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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