Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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