I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
