I accidentally had phone sex last night
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
