Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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