A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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