So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
They should really pass out barf bags in church
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
