Someone shit on the floor
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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