Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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