I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
