I'm lost and stupid without you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
