pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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