My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
