Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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