she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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