Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
