is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
