dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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