I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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