Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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