i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
