I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
