I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
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