ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
