If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
