just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
