My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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