i was rollin on her like bob the builder
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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