You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
