Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
