dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
