similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
