we have officially lost it.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
