youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
