you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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