He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
