I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
