I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
