Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
