So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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