She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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