Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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