god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
