You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
