I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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