okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
