I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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