Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Where is the hickey?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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